Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
