As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
