Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
