sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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