You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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