i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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