Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm passing your future prison.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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