Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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