i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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