yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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