yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
