He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
