Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
