you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
