Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
