Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
