Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
