I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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