imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You should frame my arrest warrant.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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