everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
