Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
