My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
