I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
