sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
