So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
