So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
