She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
