How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
