I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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