Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
