she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
