i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
