so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Im part way to drunk.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
