I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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