Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
