I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
