so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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