If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
