And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
