Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
