Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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