Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
