apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
