Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we're making bets on your personal life
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
