Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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