dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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