dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
