We won't sleep together?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
