she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
