i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
