Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
